I made it!!! I was able to slosh through the first 2 episodes of this show. I don’t know how I did it but I made it to the other side. How many more episodes are there??? 6? Really? I am going to have to train to get through these…
Inhumans was slated to become the next step in Marvel’s Cinematic Universe after Avengers: Infinity War. For some reason, Marvel decided to scrap the movie and make it into its next ABC television series. They probably should not have done that.
There is a lot of potential in the story of Inhumans, especially if you have been keeping up with Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (which has been much better these last couple of seasons by the way). On S.H.I.E.L.D, a release of an alien substance called terregin crystals have shown that some humans have trace genes from an alien race called Inhumans. When these people come in contact with an airborne release of the substance, they either transform into beings with different physical or mental super powers or they die. On Inhumans, the first episode starts in the middle of this storyline, but seen from the vantage of the royal family of a colony of Inhumans that live on Attilan, a secluded city on the Moon. As full blooded Inhumans, those on Attilan who are exposed to terrigen but do not manifest powers live on as regular humans instead of dying. This is the crux of the storyline at the beginning of the show, a fight for power between King Black Bolt and his brother Maximus. Black Bolt (whose voice causes so much destruction that he communicates solely through sign language or facial expressions) wants to keep all his people secluded and safe in their colony. Maximus (a powerless Inhuman) believes that they should take their colony to Earth since their kind’s existence is no longer unknown. From here, the show could have been a unique, comic-book lensed take on classism, diversity, and the difficult choices that one faces when you hold the lives of many in your hands. Instead, the show is a made-for-TV (literally) B movie that has the production and acting value of a poorly made high school play.
From the opening scene, the show’s plot is telegraphed from a mile away. The script has no subtlety anywhere. The characters tell you what they are going to do, tell it to you again, and immediately tell you what just happened. Each conversation is like a monologue of exposition between two characters, so there is no intrigue or mystery into anyone’s motivations. Yet somehow this doesn’t make the decisions made by characters any less dumbfounding. I present a paraphrasing of a scene in episode 1: Character A: “Who are you?”. Character B: “I am Triton, an Inhuman, and you just found out you are Inhuman. There is a place I can take you where you can be safe with your new people. Come with me if you want to live”. Character A: “OK”.
There are multiple instances like this where the story is pushed along for no other reason than just because. What makes it worse is that the dialogue is delivered as if the actors are fed their lines through earpieces. Every “emotional” line delivered is staccato, forced, and sounds like they should be given during a robot maintenance scene in West World. The most emotional scene of the two episodes involved no talking, slow motion, epically dramatic music, and hair clippers. You read that right. In a show that deals with family betrayal, exile, social class divisions, and prejudice, we get HAIR. CLIPPERS. Even Ramsey Bolton himself Iwan Rheon, who plays Maximus, couldn’t manage to muster up any emotional residue from his brilliantly malicious Game of Thrones role. His American accent is so aloof and impassive that he may have only practiced “how now brown cow” for an hour before shooting. The two characters that convey the most genuine emotion in the show don’t even speak. One of which is the fakest, most CGI, two-ton dog ever presented on a television show.
Speaking of CGI. If there was one thing about the show that was given less attention than the plot and dialogue, it was the production value. Looking at Marvel’s previous television incarnations and how grounded in reality they seem, I cannot for the life of me understand how they looked at this show and said “yep, this is ready for a nationwide IMAX release in theaters!”. Lockjaw the dog, one of the two characters with a little depth, is a video game hologram that’s passed off as a real (big as hell) puppy. You can see the firecracker used to create small explosions in some action scenes. Attilan looks like a middle schooler’s first crack at a building a world in Minecraft. Then, there is the worst wig ever put on television. Everything looks like Disney told Marvel they had to get this show out now before S.H.I.E.L.D. is cancelled so they said "it's ok, we're Marvel, they'll accept it!!!" Fortunately, some of the action sequences and Inhuman powers were cool enough that you can kind of get past this. Kind of.
Episode 2 was 5x better than episode 1. So, it moved from being the worst product Marvel has ever produced to being about 3 steps down from Iron Fist (and you all know how much I hate Danny Rand. He still needs to be punched is his stupid face). Because of the potential it has and the steps up in quality, I will unfortunately continue to watch the rest of this season. Even with all of the eye-rolling, cringe inducing stupidity it has. Marvel’s Inhumans gives enough (for a die hard, will watch just about anything Marvel comes out with, fan) to make me want to see what happens next.
But my final score of episodes 1 and 2 of Marvel’s Inhumans is a paltry 3 out of 10 red and white barbershop poles… Hair clippers? Really?